“I have a son, who is my heart.
A wonderful young man, and loving and strong and kind.”
~ Maya Angelou
My son is a senior in high school this year. I've done this before with his older sister and am trying to savor "the lasts" of the year. I first noticed things were changing when his heart broke leaving summer camp this year. The "first of the lasts", maybe?
Already, this seems to be a very transformative year for him. I see him growing and maturing and branching out in all kinds of ways ... trying new things; making big, solid decisions; allowing a gamut of emotions; speaking more profoundly. My little boy is growing up. I'm sad at the thought of losing my little boy, but so proud of the young man I see emerging.
I've learned many things as my children's mama. Just one is that at least two of the three do not appreciate me approaching them at the end of their sporting events. It is difficult for me not to ... win, lose, or draw ... but much better for each of us if I let them approach me when they are ready.
This was put into practice earlier this week at my boy's last home cross country race. Being the unofficial team photographer, I stay busy during the races capturing each teammate in various locations on the course as I cheer them on. I rarely make it back to the actual finish line for that reason and usually do not see my children cross the finish line. I have only been able to put the pieces together of this week's finish with the help of my friends.
As I watched my son round his last corner on the course and head to the finish, I knew he had placed very well, but I had no idea what had just happened. I'm told that, just beyond my final sighting of him, as he crested the hill to come into the chute, he realized his time on the clock ahead and pushed for the line with a beaming smile and our fans cheer him on! It was the best race of his high school career! He crushed his personal best by 43 seconds and placed in the Top 10 of the league. He had surpassed his season goal!
Happy but not fully understanding why, I headed back to my "photo spots" to catch the next race. I would wait for him.
And he came. In the middle of his younger sister's race, I noticed him approaching. Alone. Without his teammates. He was seeking me out. We locked eyes. He had that smile on his face and tears in his eyes. He never looked away. Never wavered. Never stopped moving toward me. I knew something special was happening and I began to move toward him.
Mamas, you know that moment that you long for? The moment when you realize you have not failed? When you recognize you've done just fine? When you know with every ounce of your being that your child really does love you?
THIS was my time. THIS was my moment with my son. He wrapped me in his little-boy-grown-up arms and stooped to bury his face into my neck and we held each other. I don't remember if he said anything. I'm sure I did, but don't remember what. But I will never forget those feelings of complete and utter joy and love. Part of my heart held his arms around me.
As much as I wish I could have photographically documented that moment, because that is what I do, I could not. Actually, it never even crossed my mind at the time. But I thank God that He nudged my friend to! I love her so much for capturing this shot with her phone just as our hug ended.
Mamas, I want you know that as long as your are loving your child the very best that you know how ... up on the hills, down in the valleys, and in the daily walk between ...
YOU ARE DOING JUST FINE.
Neither one of you may feel it today.
But YOU. ARE. LOVED.
Your moment is coming, Mama. Just wait for it!